Okay. I apologize. My humblest, most sincere, and whole-hearted of apologies. Please, somewhere deep down, you must find in your heart—and aim toward me: forgiveness. Stab me with it or just pound it over my head! Forgive me! Granted, I should probably know better than to be so presumptuous to think we still all have a heart. These days, with the state of the planet, or the state or our lives, or the state of my city/your city, your government/my government, the state of schools, the state of media, or just the state of my car or my home, or the alley my balcony overlooks and the guy sleeping in the bin…. The state of my world. Your world. The state of our minds? My mind? Your mind? The state of our consciousness? Our combined consciousness! Our thoughts—my thoughts—your thoughts! The state of our realities! Our children’s realities, my roommate’s reality, our pets and their thoughts! The state of our enemies. And especially… the state of our only Queen: Mother Nature herself… Oh… what was I getting at!? I don’t remember anymore. The state of my memory is shocking these days. Oh yes, I am sorry. Really sorry…to assume you have no heart? Was that what I was digressing over?
Of course you have a heart! How else would you breathe? How else would you function? You would be a robot. A machine. Although, a machine still has a heart…it’s just mechanical. That’s all. Really. We are not (yet) mechanical, right? Sure, we all have our days when we wake, dress, chug our lattesmochasteasorvodkas, get into our cars, sit through rush hour, tap our fingers to the crap on the radio, curse the weather along with any given politician, watch from the bus windows as the idiots drive into each other, arrive at work, plop down at our desks, turn our computers on, and suddenly realize we have no idea how we got there. Mechanical? Heartless? No. Just boring.
So. Let me go on. Without a heart, we wouldn’t be putting so much effort into saving our environment. Right? Without a heart, we wouldn’t be putting so much effort into saving our nations from war. Right? Without a heart, we wouldn’t stop for the elderly woman trying to cross the street with her walker…even as we are running late for that movie we’ve been waiting weeks to see! Right? At least slow down for her? Um…? Without a heart, we wouldn’t be trying to figure how to budge our way onto Noah’s shuttle and get the hell-off-this-planet-before-she-offs-us-to-hell! Right.
Anyway. That’s not the reason I sat down and started typing. I did begin with an apology for a reason. If we always just started our sentences with a plea for forgiveness…well, after a while life would be that much prettier! I’m sorry I cut in front of you and pushed you off the road. I’m sorry I elected a loser. I’m sorry you are so annoying I had a line of voodoo dolls designed after you. I’m sorry that your girlfriend is so loud that the entire city can hear it when she gives it to you. “I’m sorry, what was your name…” works a lot better than “Who the fuck are you?” Together you can kick the empties off the bed, get dressed, maybe have breakfast--or at least coffee, and feign seeing each other again rationally, as opposed to regrettably. The birds will sing, the sun will shine, and your hangover will melt away. The apology has worked like magic! When a regret needs to be acknowledged, one must rise to the occasion and get it over with immediately! It reminds us that we are responsible, and in our hearts, we can admit that we all make mistakes.
Don’t be afraid to apologize.
Stand in front of a mirror. Open the mouth wide. Bring it down and let the lips touch. With the tongue make like a snake, and prepare the word for take-off. Practice until perfect.
I’m sorry for wasting (your) time? It’s been a while since motivation blinked open her illustrious ebony eyes, for real-life--as was beckoned--bullied itself into the spaces reserved for all those exceptional moments of beauty that knock us off our feet. Yep. It’s like a parking lot of SUVs, each resting crooked over the white line and taking up way more space than worth…and blocking our tulip gardens to boot! Like so many people I know, I am just looking for inspiration, a purpose to keep dreaming. So if an apology is in order, then it will be for taking so long to sit and write this down. Well, suck it up, I say! Honestly. Better late than pregnant! A neighbor this past Christmas slapped me in the face with the words we all sometimes need to hear: There is only time. As long as your heart is still beating, and you can still sense that there is room in there to breathe, there will always be time to get all of this right.
Forget that they tell you otherwise. In fact, forget everything they tell you. It’s all part of someone else’s state of mind.
Ldm
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